The Masters decision
Thanks for your support on the Masters. It was a big decision to make, and I almost burst a vein thinking about it, but I've made my mind up, and it's surprisingly simple. I'm going to defer for a year.
You guys are right of course, that, yes, I have a fear of failure, fear of the unknown, cold feet, etc., but since they offered me the post, apart from being happy that I was accepted, I haven't actually felt comfortable in knowing that I am doing the right thing. Maybe it is for the reasons above, maybe it's becauseI have doubts as to whether this is the right course for me, maybe it's because I'm not sure if I'll do so well in a course where my motivation is hating my current job. But like you all said, I'll regret it if I don't take this chance, and that's why I'm defering. Waking up every morning to go to work since making this decision, I do dread it, and think, 'God I should have just taken the Masters'. But mostly? Mostly, I'm kinda relieved. I think deep down, I'm just not ready to study again.
So I have a year. A year in which I can explore other options - perhaps find a different job which I enjoy, perhaps look into more suitable Masters courses, even do some evening classes in creative writing or journalism. But this will be my year. I will use it to explore dreams that I didn't think possible. And if in this year, I achieve nothing else, I'll go and do the Masters next year.
So I'm feeling happier and very optimistic right now. The world is my oyster and I can do whatever I set my heart on. Of course, I know it's not that simple, but indulge me :)
Seema and I went to Langley Park on Saturday, for a picnic and walkies. We dropped in a nearby farm to pick our own veggies for dinner. The season is almost over and we picked some small sweetcorn, shrivelled cougettes and squidgy plums, before discovering that they had better specimens in their farm shop, lol. Still it was fun. I completely ruined my shoes but never mind. We got lost in the woods (very scary) and ended up walking much further than we bargained for. All good fun though, lots of giggles and gossip.
Saturday night, I came home to find some family friends visiting with their son. I used to have the biggest crush on him when I was in my early teens and I hoped he might still be quite cute. How wrong could I have been? He had long girly hair which he kept swishing and messing up, he was wearing an old man's baggy cardy, and my god, he should have gone to Specsavers. I had a good old giggle after he left, teehee..
I got a call on sunday morning - my caller display read 'Seema' and I answered the phone in a silly accent, like we do sometimes. Mortified when it wasn't her.. Even worse, it was one of her colleagues, to say that she had been in a car accident and was being treated for head injuries at the hospital, and could I come down?
To say I was panicked would have been an understatement. I knew I had to get there as soon as possible, if only so that she wouldn't feel alone and unsupported, but at the same time, it was hard trying to calm myself so that I wouldn't end up killing myself by driving like a lunatic. I didn't have to worry though, because on the way there, I found myself trailing a learner motorcyclist, who would not go above 25 mph on a 60 mph road. Can you imagine my frustration?? Then, on eventually arriving, I waited 25 mins for the dim receptionist to locate the patient ("I'm sorry, I can't help you"), and by then, I was hopping with anxiety.
The poor thing looked like an extra in Casualty when I found her, bloody and bruised, swollen and in shock, even though she had already been 'cleaned up' by the nurses. I was scared to touch her, in case I hurt her even more.
It was nothing short of a miracle. She had been crossing a busy road and hadn't seen the car coming. It hit her in the hip, sent her flying through the air and she pretty much landed on her face. Miraculously, apart from scraping off most of the skin on the left side of her face, hands and legs, some bad bruising and the worst headache, she was fine. No fractures, no broken bones, nothing more serious than concussion and nothing that won't heal with time. Upon asking her why, on such an impact, her injuries weren't more serious, she shrugged and replied "I drink milk everyday".
So there you have it people - drink lots of milk and keep your bones healthy and strong! I think we should recommend eating lots of carrots too, so that you see cars coming when crossing the road (ain't that right S? :) I'm so thankful that she wasn't more badly hurt and thankful that it wasn't a lorry or a death-mobile 4x4 that hit her. I'd like to make an appeal and say - don't buy a 4x4! Not only are they THREE times more likely to kill if they hit someone (especially a child), but they are bad for the environment too.
Anyway, I'm off to visit your blogs now, so keep safe and drink up your milk, like good girls and boys. See you soon xx