Grrrr whinge..

Category: , By panda_eyed
I hate that people make assumptions... I know it's hypocritical of me because I know I do it all the time and it's a human trait, but grrrr.. it does make me mad..

This week hasn't been a good week for me - after a long reprieve, many of my old ME/CFS symptoms came back and I was forced to stay at home and rest and not move a muscle. Now don't get me wrong, I like sitting at home and doing nothing, but only when it's out of choice. When I can't move because it's too damn painful, that's a whole 'nother story. Anyway, the point is, a lot of newer friends and acquaintances don't know anything about my ME. I haven't told them because
1. I don't want to be a victim
2. It takes too damn long to explain and, afterwards, people still don't really get it (until they can see for themselves, or they just 'forget' about it, because they're not symptoms you see 24/7)
3. I'm generally a lot better nowadays and I have more energy and spend less time sick, although I still have to make sure I rest lots and don't overdo it.

Anyway, I know my body, and I know when it needs to rest, otherwise I risk facing another relapse. So when my symptoms get towards middling to heavy, I am forced to decline invitations just so that I can help my body recover. Don't get me wrong, I still do take up many of them, and I do lead a fairly active social life. But, to someone who doesn't know I have ME, they more often than not make the assumption that I'm just dull and/or quite antisocial. Neither is true.

It annoys me to know that's what people think, and to snub me for it, when I know that it's my own fault for not telling them. So why don't I tell them? I know from past experience that people still don't/won't understand. When I say I'm tired, they'll say, "so what? So am I". Whilst that's all well and good, an ME sufferer saying they're tired is a lot lot worse than a 'normal' person's tiredness. Humans are generally of the mentality that we can keep going for a little longer than after the point our bodies tell us to stop (i.e. marathon running, eating) but, with ME sufferers, the opposite is the case. My body may tell me right this minute that I'm okay and that I'll be okay for the rest of the night but, an hour later, all might be very different, and I may feel sick to the stomach with overwhelming fatigue/muscle aches/spinning head. Even friends who know about the ME still say to me "Why can't you come out tonight? You were fine yesterday/this afternoon." It annoys me because they think I'm making excuses, using the ME as a get-out clause. Well, I'm not.

So, the bottom line is that I would rather people assume that I'm dull and antisocial, than let them think I use ME as an excuse or have them feel sorry for me. I don't know which of those is worse. It doesn't feel fair, somehow. Grrr..

Whinge over. How are you? Long time no see xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx