Yes, tis me! I hope you didn't think I'd deserted you; after all, so many people have left blogging recently, but fear not, I'm not one of them! I do owe you guys an explanation though - as you know, I was in Hong Kong in the first week of April, and ever since I've been back, I've been ill with vile respiratory tract infections. It's been a horrid two weeks, and probably the most ill I've been in years, but am starting to come out of the daze of painkillers and antibiotics. I can breathe, talk, laugh without coughing, and eat again (hurray!), and the dizziness has abated enough for me to see the words I'm typing - woohoo!

Hong Kong was fun - it seems so long ago that I hardly remember it now. Actually, the weirdest thing was seeing my lab partner from uni when I landed at HK airport, getting on the same bus as me, and again at the airport on my way back - she was on the flight after mine. Small world, huh..? Anyway, I ate loads, and put on a few pounds, as I usually do when I go over there. I actually wanted to talk about weight - I just finished watching the Channel 4 documentary, SuperSkinny Me: The Race to Size Double Zero. It focused on two journalists trying to slim down from a UK size 12 to a size 2 (US size 00) in just five weeks. I watched with horror but not without fascination, as I'm sure most women watching did. Because, lets face it, who doesn't think that they could stand to lose a few lbs or an inch off the spare tyre?

During the program, I found, worryingly, that I shared a lot of the feelings and symptoms the women had during the experiment. You see, before I went to Hong Kong, I had been trying to lose some weight. I'd put on a few lbs, and it was becoming noticeable. I've pretty much been the same weight since I was 17 (aside from losing and regaining 10lbs when I was ill in 2002), but since I've had ME/CFS, I've been a lot less active, and although it didn't really show hugely on the scales, it's started to show on my body shape. As I'm not really able to do any cardiac exercise because of CFS 'flare-ups', the only thing I can control is what I eat. Just by eating slightly smaller portions and cutting out unhealthy snacks, I lost half a stone in 3 weeks (which shows you how much I snacked!), but strangely, I don't look any skinnier at all! Anyway, the women in the experiment reported constantly thinking about and becoming obsessed with food, which is exactly how I felt during weeks two and three of my 'diet'. Week one was fine - I didn't change what I ate, just chewed slowly and savoured flavours and textures, stopping when my stomach started to become full. I was thinking, 'Gosh, this isn't so hard'. But after mid week 2, every day just got harder and harder. I craved EVERYTHING, and was constantly talking and thinking about food pretty much every moment I wasn't eating, as well as evaluating how full/empty my stomach felt every other second. Food was my every thought. It wasn't very nice for me or the people around me, just as in the experiment.

Of course, being ill these two weeks and not being able to eat, I lost the holiday weight from HK and a little bit more. In the words of Emily from The Devil Wears Prada, 'I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight' Just kidding :) Now that I've regained my appetite, I'm finding that I'm constantly starving to the point of dizziness, and consequently eating like a heifer. I have a feeling that all my suffering will have come to nothing if I carry on like this!

The difference between me and the women in the experiment was that with me, the weight needed to be lost - I had a BMI of 26 (overweight) and now have a more respectable BMI of 25 and don't feel as bloated as before. Watching the documentary though, and seeing what the two women went through to achieve a skinny body shape, I can tell you that I would never ever go to those lengths to lose weight or look good. For one, I love eating too much; two, I don't like getting sweaty; and three, who finds a bag of bones attractive anyway? I think I'll just eat normally but a little more healthier from now on, I'm not cut out for this dieting lark! :)

I hope you've all been well, and I shall definitely spend a few hours catching up on blogs tomorrow. Be good!

Love Panda xx

Last week was a good week for me, in terms of managing my ME/CFS symptoms and energy levels. I felt almost normal at times, which is quite a big thing for me, considering. If I could only identify what it is that I've been doing differently to cause this change, I could recover from this thing. I've had a couple of sessions of pacing therapy at a CFS clinic, and I wish I could say I understood how to apply it to my everyday life, but so far, it's not proving that easy. I am trying to keep an open mind though, and we'll see how it goes!

Making changes to daily life isn't easy, I understand that, but I encountered someone at the group who is so resistant to making any changes at all that I don't see why they bother to turn up. This person seems to blame everything wrong in their life on ME/CFS, AND tries to encourage others to think the same way. Honestly - scared of the dark? It must be ME. Got a fear of water? ME. I think this person needs life coaching more than pacing therapy. They've already said "My ME is obviously so much worse than everyone elses here. This isn't going to work, and I've already told the Dr so." I wish they'd just take the negativity home with them. Don't let the door hit you on the arse on your way out.

In other news, I went here this weekend. I took my dad as a birthday treat. Lionel was brilliant! :D Even my daddy was dancing and singing along! We enjoyed it hugely, and if you ever get the chance to see Mr Richie in concert, go for it! It'll be worth it :)

I went to quite a few shows last month actually, which I still haven't managed to blog about. I think the best of the lot was the very eccentric Blue Man Group, which was both so funny and so much fun. If you've been, you'll understand why - if you haven't, go! I have honestly never seen so much loo roll in one place... A taste of their antics here.

In the runner-up spot, the revival of the comedic play, Boeing Boeing. I suspect it was the big names in here that made the show popular second time around - Michelle Gomez (Green wing), Frances de la Tour and Tamsin Outhwaite, but the show was a hoot from start to finish. I'd recommend not buying balcony seats though - you're so high up that you get neck ache from peering downwards, not to mention vertigo!

Treats - received much publicity recently, starring Billie Piper, Kris Marshall and Laurence Fox. Its had a mixed reception. I thought each actor was brilliant - but when the actors came on stage for their final bow, I thought we were halfway through a scene, and I was waiting for the storyline to emerge! It was all a bit pointless, really. Billie Piper did a crying scene which lasted about five minutes in total - just her sobbing away on stage - it was well-acted, but again, all a bit pointless.

Proof , which played at the Arts theatre for four weeks only, was powerfully emotional and just superb. I'm not sure which came first - the play, or the movie (with Gwyneth Paltrow, Anthony Hopkins & Jake Gyllenhaal), but this was brilliant. I'm not normally a big fan of serious plays, but this one was so brilliantly acted by all involved that it even had me (and half the audience) in tears at one point. I think it's returned to Broadway now, unfortunately! I'm planning on watching the movie next, I wonder if any of you have seen it, and if it was any good?

I'm also going to see Jump tonight! You might remember seeing the Korean martial arts group on the Royal Variety show in December. It has been described as 'A highly entertaining mix of slapstick, gymnastics and martial arts'. I'm quite looking forward to it :) I'll let you know if it's any good!

Hope you're all well! xx

We've had such lovely warm weather lately, I took advantage of it this weekend. But can you guess where, from the pictures? A prize to the first person who guesses correctly!

A memory; snippets of conversation:

Pandy and her best-friend-who's-a-boy, J, talking about crushes:

J: There’s a girl I really like.
Pandy: Oh yeah? *Smiles* Who is she? Tell me about her.
J: She’s great, we’re really good friends. I can talk to her about anything and everything. We always have a laugh. This one’s special.
Pandy: Aww.. So why haven’t you asked her out yet?
J: *Looks at floor, embarrassed* I’m scared she might say no and that it would spoil out friendship.
Pandy: Well, what vibes do you get from her? Anything more than just friends?
J: Sometimes, but then other times, I just don’t know.
Pandy: What’s her name? Have I met her?
J: *Still looking away, thinks* I don’t want to say, you might know her.
Pandy: Aww, go on, you know I won’t say anything.
J: *Faint smile, blushes*
Pandy: *Tries to work out who it could be* At least describe her?
J: *Looking embarrassed again* She has pretty eyes and she makes me happy, that’s all I’ll say.
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One drunken night:
Pandy & J have snogs, kisses and cuddles.
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Pandy on the phone to her friend, the next day:

Pandy: I’m so embarrassed, what if it’s really awkward after this?
Friend: It will only be if you let it. Do you like him? Y’ know, like that?
Pandy: I dunno, I never really thought about it. It doesn’t matter whether I like or not anyway, cos last week he was telling me about this girl he’s really in to. *Recounts the conversation*
Friend: Oh my god, you’re so thick!
Pandy: What? Why?
Friend: You do know that he was talking about you, don’t you?
Pandy: *Long pause, running the whole conversation through her head* Oh..
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J went travelling, Pandy got absorbed in uni life. Neither wanted to embarrass themselves or ruin their friendship. Pandy doesn’t know where J is now, or what he’s doing. She hasn’t heard from him in years. She misses him.

Have you ever looked back and wondered what might have happened if you had done something differently?