There's always someone watching

By panda_eyed
I've always been very self-conscious, and as a result, there are certain things I won't do in front of other people. Some of these things are: getting undressed, dancing (unless we're in a club), and singing. The list used to be much longer - ridiculous things like not being able to apply make up or looking in a mirror in public (fear of being perceived shallow/vain). I even used to feel uncomfortable eating in front of people (paranoid that people would think, 'god, no wonder she's so fat'). Irrational, silly things, I know, but I've mostly grown out of that now, though I still have my days. I still feel awkward, knowing that one of my colleagues is in a cubicle in the loo next to mine, and can hear every tinkle.

Strange as that may be, another one of my peculiarities is singing to myself whilst having a wee. This, I will only do when I know no one's around. I don't know why I do it, but it's just a quirk of mine, I guess. Anyway, yesterday in the loos at work, I could have sworn there was no one in there. I did my singing thing, picking a song that's way too high for my little voice to reach, singing completely off-key and not being able to hit the higher notes. It was like a dog dying. Then I hear a scuffle of a shoe in the next cubicle, or it could have been a muffled laugh. How mortified was I? I couldn't get out of there quick enough! I practically ran back to my desk, red-faced and cringing. I really hope it wasn't a member of my team/my boss and that they didn't know it was me! How embarrassing..

I had a few giggles over it later on, with the best friend. The convo lead to many childish giggles about farts and poo and other such cringe-worthy tales. We're like a couple of 8yr old boys sometimes.. fun though :) My question is, can you recognise someone from their singing voice if you've never heard them sing before? I could have sworn people were sniggering as I came in this morning.. Hehe..

I took a half day off to go christmas shopping on Oxford Street yesterday. I'd hoped to get the bulk of it out of the way. So did I buy lots of presents? No... Did I buy anything for anyone else? No... Did I buy more clothes, shoes and accessories for myself, despite already over-spending this month? Yeees... I was very bad. I bought myself a metallic studded belt from River Island, two pairs of very pretty dangly earrings, some charcoal-coloured slouchy boots, a wrap-around cardy, and some sparkly mushroomy-coloured eyeshadow. I so don't deserve any christmas presents this year..

15 comments so far.

  1. Boso 4:34 pm, November 24, 2006
    My worst fear is having the phone ring when I'm in the office loo. Thankfully, my phone is always on silent, however, once I left it on, and everyone knows my ringtone !! Hey, it's not like we all don't do a number 2 right? Then why do you feel so embarrassed?
  2. Jia Li 12:29 pm, November 25, 2006
    we all need to treat ourselves pandy, my mom is sending me 200 Can to get some new clothes!

    fear, well, I know a girl who can't pee in public bathrooms...and I was like we are enclosed, they can't see u, never go to china, no stalls there.

    and she won't go to the bathroom at school either.


    me, I hate when people stare at me
  3. Ames 7:59 pm, November 26, 2006
    Ooh I used to hate applying make up on in public but now I can't be arsed what people think of me!

    Heehee..your boots sound lovely! I bought two jumpers the other day to wear with my leggings and then the lovely sales lady said how a belt would look good with one of the I bought that too. Oops. Now I have to go back in the store and ask her how to wear the belt with it because however I have it, I look like I have gargantuan hips and look poo. Oh and I bought some short slouchy shorts..possibly to wear with my gold tights..hmm..I really should just email you!

    Oh and I don't think I'd recognise anyone from their singing voice *giggles*
  4. Olivia at Work 1:08 pm, November 27, 2006
    I rather think it was a muffled giggle...!

    I still hate looking at myself in a mirror in public for the sake of it - although I've learned to do it in the lift when putting down windblown curls on the way to the office.

    It's ok if trying on a coat or a pair of sunglasses, but for some reason I feel really self conscious if I do it with a handbag...why is that?

    You're like me on the "ostensibly going gift shopping but come back with three things for me and only one gift" sort of spree.
  5. nikkipolani 5:18 pm, November 27, 2006
    Oh. My.
    You're just going to have to do a room-check before you start belting out your favourites! (BTW, Dec 20 is coming...!)
  6. Jia Li 10:56 pm, November 27, 2006
    my dad gave me the best gift ever, a mini tool belt! + 50 dollars, my mom got me 200 dollars to buy clothes
  7. diva 4:46 am, November 29, 2006
    You don't deserve any pressies? Oh yes you do fab chica, me and nags already got yours and you are getting them missy and so that's that! ;oD
    And thanks for the massive giggle I've just had about your 'wee singing'! LOL! Now I know why the dog was following you to the loo at my place, he's a fan of your work! ;oD

  8. Matty H 10:11 am, November 29, 2006
    Try being a bloke in the gents where you are all standing pointing it at a trough, rubbing elbows with the blokes on either side of you (mentally) feeling others splash back. I used to get stage fright made worse by the queue behind you all needing to take a leak. Only way to get past it by imagining waterfalls and putting my hand (not controlling my hose) up on the cold tiles in front of me. Don’t know why but the cold to the touch helps!
  9. panda_eyed 10:45 am, November 29, 2006
    Boso, lets not even go into number 2s! *blushes* I can't even talk about those.. :)
    It always makes me giggle that some people can have a whole conversation on their mobile in a public loo!

    JL, ooh new clothes! Yay, we like those :D
    No stalls in China? What part was that..? I've only been to 1 bathroom in China that didn't have doors on the stalls - one of those crouchy holes in the ground too, and needless to say, I couldn't go! Euch.

    Amylou! Oooh you been shopping too! Gargantuan hips, my foot, you soo don't :p but I know what you mean about the belt - it looks weird on me - I just can't carry it off. Did you keep it in the end? Ooh gold tights and shorts? V Kylie! :)

    Livvy, there's a lady at work who always brushes her hair in the lift - no matter how full it is - I find it quite strange! I hate standing behind her..
    I am the opposite with handbags/sunglasses & coats - you can't look bad with a handbag :)
    Gift shopping for yourself sprees are the best :D
  10. panda_eyed 11:10 am, November 29, 2006
    Hi Nikki! I did check - I thought the room was empty.. :| Yay, Dec 20th! Oof I'm soooo busy in the run up though.. I really wish I hadn't bought those make-your-own xmas cards - I have about 60 to send out every year and have so far made only 16. I may stop.. never again!

    JL, lol, I've never known anyone get excited over a tool belt, but I guess you are a design student! Hehe.. Have you been shopping yet? I would have on the day I received the money ;)

    Diva! How nice to 'see' you! I look forward to properly seeing you all again :)
    Hehe, yes, Dog did say he appreciates my 'work' ;)

    Matty H, hiya! Gosh, I never even thought about that.. but eww.. splashback, even mental splashback, yukkk! Thanks for that lovely image..! I guess we girls have it good after all! hehe..
  11. Livvy at Work 12:55 pm, November 29, 2006
    Means that buying you all presents has cost me three times what it should have, but golly I'm excited by the stuff I've ended up with!
  12. Seema 12:58 pm, November 29, 2006
    I'm sure that if you go sit on santa's lap, rub his belly and whisper in to his ear he'll say you've been good girl enough for a lil pressie this Christmas! A right lil shop-a-holic you!

    You have funny toilet habits girl! I suppose everyone has their own little perks! Make a proper sweep of the lavs next time you go in!
  13. Ames 8:34 pm, November 29, 2006
    Oh no I've got to try to return them both on Saturday..I'll exchange it for something else in the shop so hopefully they'll be okay with it.And I do so have gargantuan hips!
  14. panda_eyed 10:12 am, November 30, 2006
    Livvy, ooh! Today is pay day, so I once again have money and can go xmas shopping! yay!

    Seema, there's no way I'm sitting on the lap of a fat bearded man in a polyester suit, let alone rubbing his tummy! Yeuch.. Santa's are nothing but freaky!

    Ames, what are you returning - the belts or the shorts and tights?
  15. Livvy at Work 1:06 pm, November 30, 2006
    When I was growing up, I always thought pay day meant you got in a queue and received a cheque.

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