Guess who's back and obsessed with food?

Category: , , , By panda_eyed
Yes, tis me! I hope you didn't think I'd deserted you; after all, so many people have left blogging recently, but fear not, I'm not one of them! I do owe you guys an explanation though - as you know, I was in Hong Kong in the first week of April, and ever since I've been back, I've been ill with vile respiratory tract infections. It's been a horrid two weeks, and probably the most ill I've been in years, but am starting to come out of the daze of painkillers and antibiotics. I can breathe, talk, laugh without coughing, and eat again (hurray!), and the dizziness has abated enough for me to see the words I'm typing - woohoo!

Hong Kong was fun - it seems so long ago that I hardly remember it now. Actually, the weirdest thing was seeing my lab partner from uni when I landed at HK airport, getting on the same bus as me, and again at the airport on my way back - she was on the flight after mine. Small world, huh..? Anyway, I ate loads, and put on a few pounds, as I usually do when I go over there. I actually wanted to talk about weight - I just finished watching the Channel 4 documentary, SuperSkinny Me: The Race to Size Double Zero. It focused on two journalists trying to slim down from a UK size 12 to a size 2 (US size 00) in just five weeks. I watched with horror but not without fascination, as I'm sure most women watching did. Because, lets face it, who doesn't think that they could stand to lose a few lbs or an inch off the spare tyre?

During the program, I found, worryingly, that I shared a lot of the feelings and symptoms the women had during the experiment. You see, before I went to Hong Kong, I had been trying to lose some weight. I'd put on a few lbs, and it was becoming noticeable. I've pretty much been the same weight since I was 17 (aside from losing and regaining 10lbs when I was ill in 2002), but since I've had ME/CFS, I've been a lot less active, and although it didn't really show hugely on the scales, it's started to show on my body shape. As I'm not really able to do any cardiac exercise because of CFS 'flare-ups', the only thing I can control is what I eat. Just by eating slightly smaller portions and cutting out unhealthy snacks, I lost half a stone in 3 weeks (which shows you how much I snacked!), but strangely, I don't look any skinnier at all! Anyway, the women in the experiment reported constantly thinking about and becoming obsessed with food, which is exactly how I felt during weeks two and three of my 'diet'. Week one was fine - I didn't change what I ate, just chewed slowly and savoured flavours and textures, stopping when my stomach started to become full. I was thinking, 'Gosh, this isn't so hard'. But after mid week 2, every day just got harder and harder. I craved EVERYTHING, and was constantly talking and thinking about food pretty much every moment I wasn't eating, as well as evaluating how full/empty my stomach felt every other second. Food was my every thought. It wasn't very nice for me or the people around me, just as in the experiment.

Of course, being ill these two weeks and not being able to eat, I lost the holiday weight from HK and a little bit more. In the words of Emily from The Devil Wears Prada, 'I'm one stomach flu away from my goal weight' Just kidding :) Now that I've regained my appetite, I'm finding that I'm constantly starving to the point of dizziness, and consequently eating like a heifer. I have a feeling that all my suffering will have come to nothing if I carry on like this!

The difference between me and the women in the experiment was that with me, the weight needed to be lost - I had a BMI of 26 (overweight) and now have a more respectable BMI of 25 and don't feel as bloated as before. Watching the documentary though, and seeing what the two women went through to achieve a skinny body shape, I can tell you that I would never ever go to those lengths to lose weight or look good. For one, I love eating too much; two, I don't like getting sweaty; and three, who finds a bag of bones attractive anyway? I think I'll just eat normally but a little more healthier from now on, I'm not cut out for this dieting lark! :)

I hope you've all been well, and I shall definitely spend a few hours catching up on blogs tomorrow. Be good!

Love Panda xx

11 comments so far.

  1. Anonymous 1:13 am, April 23, 2007
    welcome back pandy and I hope you feel well soon

    I got two finals on Monday and Tues, so I shall go study.

    Feel better

  2. Boso 2:13 am, April 23, 2007
    Welcome back !!

    I for one, can tell you that there is nothing attractive in a 'bag of bones' !!
  3. Ames 12:48 pm, April 23, 2007
    Hello darling Pandy!

    Glad to hear you're feeling much better sweetie!

    Ooh I missed that show..I had read about some of it saying that the girls had to eat cotton wool to lose weight?!! It's weird but I never really used to obsess about weight or food but having done a well known diet and for it to work really well, I do constantly think about food, what I'm eating, how many 'points' I'm eating. It's a nightmare. I do just need to get a healthy relationship back with food so that I have a couple snacks every now and then rather than completely binge eating until I feel so sick I can't move.Oops.Scary how quickly it becomes an obsession!

    Hope to see you very soon sweetpea!xx
  4. panda_eyed 1:28 am, April 24, 2007
    Hey Jia! Good luck with the exams! I'm so glad those are all behind me :) Let me know how you get on, sweetie! xx

    Hello Boso! I've missed my little blog space! It's good to be back!
    And it's nice to hear that from a man - y'hear that ladies? It's not all about being skinny! :) Thanks Boso!

    Sweet Ames! I knew you'd understand about the food obsession. I never thought I'd be a food obsessed dieter, and I sure hated myself whilst dieting. It's horrible! I too am trying to get that healthy relationship back with food, albeit without putting the weight back on. Not easy huh?! :) Missing you! x
  5. Flighty 7:49 am, April 24, 2007
    Hello Pandy! Good to see you had a good trip but I'm sorry to hear that you've been unwell since you got back. It's good that you're on the mend now.
    As you say there's been a fair few people who've stopped so it's good to have you back to make up the numbers.
    Take care. Hugs. xx
  6. Ames 4:05 pm, April 24, 2007
    Not easy at all. Currently I am living off bagels and rice. I WILL lose half a stone by the end of May!!

    Miss you lots honey! Hopefully see you soon!xxx
  7. panda_eyed 4:53 pm, April 24, 2007
    Hi Flighty! Am I just a number to you..? *sniffs..* lol, just kidding :)
    I'm feeling much chirpier now, thank goodness. Feel like jumping for joy because I have some energy back - yay!
    *hugs back*!

    Amylou, is that a carb only diet? Strange! Don't become a slave to it 'k? (lol, I can talk..). We shall have to have a pig out session to reward ourselves next time I see you ;)
  8. Flighty 6:02 pm, April 24, 2007
    Pandy of course you're not just a number to me!
    By the way why don't get this blog of yours listed over on Platform27 as an external blog. Have a look and you'll see what to do.
  9. Olivia 11:56 pm, April 24, 2007
    Hey sweetie, back to the blogs, yay!

    I don't know how 00 can be a size. When I was a 0 I had no choice. Oh the rejoicing when I got to 2, and now I am a 4 (UK 8) and it's great!

    Keep getting better chickie, and see you soon!
  10. panda_eyed 4:17 pm, April 25, 2007
    Flighty, I know, just being cheeky! :)
    I've listed my blog on P27 - haven't received anything back to say they okayed it or anything, so not sure what's happening with that.

    Livs, yay! I still haven't managed to get round and read the blogs yet - am supposed to be working, but have wasted time faffing around :|
    I can't believe you were a size 0! I know you're tiny, but did you not eat..? Glad the wind can't blow you away nowadays :) hehe..
  11. Flighty 11:03 am, April 26, 2007
    Pandy it appears that there are some problems with some external blogs, my FlightBuff one on WordPress included. I'll email 27 and ask them to get it sorted. xx

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