The last few mornings, I've woken up with a dull ache in my heart - one that felt strangely familiar, although I couldn't pinpoint what it was when it first began. And then I realised -  it was the lonely ache you feel when you love someone who no longer loves you back - the one when you know your relationship is coming to an end. After my previous relationship ended, I woke up with that ache everyday for 8 months.

When The Spaniard came into my life, although I didn't really notice it at the time, the ache that I felt slowly lifted until it disappeared altogether. I guess it was the rush from being in a new relationship that did it - all those new possibilities, the hope, the passion, the flirtation. So until a few days ago when the ache returned, I hadn't even noticed that it had gone.

But now it's back. Another relationship that didn't last. This time "you're a nice girl, but I'm not in love with you". If you look at my last post in February, it was something I'd known for a while, but had chosen to ignore, hoping that sooner or later it might happen, that those little awkward quiet moments would turn into comfortable silences. But life doesn't work like that, and I guess some things are not meant to be.

So on Friday, I was that girl on the tube with tears running down her face. But I do respect him for having the courage to be honest with me - it can't have been easy. After all, I too had identified that 'something' was missing, yet I had said nothing. The last 4/5 months have been fun and, above all, I'm grateful. Because, for a while at least, The Spaniard made me feel that there was another chance at love, and he lifted my sadness. It was good while it lasted, but ultimately we weren't right for each other, even though I wanted so much for this to be IT. Perhaps though, I've gained a good friend.

So, another frog down, I guess. I wonder how many more before I find my prince?

The best things come in little packages -- that's true of many things: chocolate, babies, hugs, a text from a friend that makes you smile.

I've been a smiley thing recently because I'm learning to ignore the bigger things that get me down and just concentrate on the smaller, seemingly insignificant things, like taking a relaxing bubble bath, having a good natter on the phone, having a dance when a favourite song comes on the radio, having a good old giggle. In life, you have to take pleasure from those small things, especially when, like me, you have ME/CFS.


I wanted to show you something that made me smile recently -- look ------->

See that teeny tiny little shoot? That's the first germinated seed of my batch of chilli seeds, and one day, that tiny little seed will become a plant and bear fruit. It's amazing when you think about it -- that something as small as this vulnerable little shoot will grow to become a big strong plant. It reminds me of the fragility of life and proves that with a little determination, even the weakest can become strong. That's the beauty of this world, and the same thought strikes me when I hold my tiny little nephew in my arms.

That's my thought for the day anyway, but I shall leave you with a picture of another very small creature -- this time, a tiny crab that we found on the rocky beach of an island just off Hong Kong, where I went at Christmas. Doesn't nature just fill you with awe?

*edit* By the way, it's pancake (shrove) Tuesday today, so don't forget to get flipping tonight! Yum!