I've spoken of my grandmother before, of how she is blind and now frail, weak and extremely forgetful. She's had an in-home carer for more than 5 years, but as she refuses to get on with any of them, the decision was made that she would spend her final years here in the UK with her sons and daughters. For the last few months, she has been moving between their homes, none of them wanting to accept full responsibility for her, causing a blind old lady much instability and insecurity. She had never wanted to leave her home of 80 years in Hong Kong, and has constantly expressed her wish to return, but now that she is almost completely reliant on a carer (albeit not wanting to have one), this is a hard wish to fulfil.
A few weeks ago, some of my uncles and aunts (6 of my mum's siblings) decided that it would be more convenient for them to ship her off to a nursing home back in Hong Kong. This, although it saddens me hugely, did not surprise me, for my uncles and aunts have never really been hugely compassionate or showed that much concern for my grandmother (unless they wanted something from her). The thing that has angered me is my uncle and his wife (who I shall call uncleP & auntZ) borrowing a substantial amount of money from my grandma (that her husband left her to ensure she lived comfortably when he died), and are now refusing to return it, first saying that they shouldn't have to return it, and now saying that they DID return it, but that my grandma is senile and doesn't remember. My grandma, despite knowing full well that they haven't returned the money, doesn't want to cause friction between her children and so back-tracked a bit, saying that maybe she really doesn't remember after all, which begs the question - where would my gran be keeping £20,000? Under a pillow?
My mum, being the only one brave enough to stand up to them, is now the victim of vicious rumours spread by uncleP and auntZ, who say my mum probably stole the money from my gran and lost it on stocks and shares or bought a flat with it (??!!). Anyone who knows my mother will know these lies are the equivalent of me trying to convince you that I am the almighty god. However, despite all the hostility from P&Z towards my grandma, she was determined not to let things get in the way of their relationship, and a couple of weeks ago, went to stay with their family for a week. Just last week, she went to visit another relative, where she confessed to being in a lot pain. On being pressed, she revealed that my cousin, (P&Z's son, Ro), had severely beat and strangled her until she almost suffocated.
This makes me so angry that I could drive right over there and, with one strike, knock the block off the kid. How dare he?! Where has the respect gone? How could ANYONE attack a frail, blind, helpless old lady who’s only misguided mistake was to love you and show you affection? To make it worse, this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. Previous carer’s have reported that he has bullied his grandma in the past, taking pleasure in her distress when he pushed, poked her, pulled her hair, and then blaming it on his baby brother.
What saddens me is that nobody knows how many times this has happened before, how many times he might have bullied and physically attacked my gran, because, in trying to protect him, she has never mentioned it to anyone until now. What angers me even more is the fact that Ro will probably never face any repercussions because his parents are so twisted that they will never believe anyone who tries to sully the name of their son, especially following the recent family feud. They would just assume that we were spreading rumours, just as they have done with my mum.
In the wake of the recent mass-shooting in Virginia, it makes me wonder just what kind of people are out there, and where this type of hatred and disregard for the feelings and lives of others springs from. I know Ro’s parents aren’t exactly what you could call ‘good-hearted’ people, but can such evil really be passed on from the parents? Everything I have seen so far suggests yes.
I will be going to visit my multiple aunts and uncles this weekend, to say goodbye to my grandmother before she leaves for her new ‘home’ in Hong Kong. More than anything, I want to corner Ro and hurt him like he hurt my grandma so that he fears for his life and knows what it feels like to feel so helpless and at the mercy of others. I’d like to tell him that if I ever hear of him even saying a bad word to my gran again, let alone touch her, that I will knock him the fk out, but what I don’t want to do is to make things worse for my grandma – I can’t be sure that if approached about it, Ro (and even his parents) won’t harass/attack my grandma even more for telling people about it. I’m so frustrated!
One last thing - that in turns makes me angry, sad and fearful is that after my gran complained of being in pain caused by Ro, my auntie examined her for wounds and broken bones, and in the process, discovered a substantial lump on my gran’s breast. I don’t want to be pessimistic, but at her age, it doesn’t really look good.
This world is so unfair.