Arachnophobi-argh
For as long as I can remember, I have always had an ‘irrational’ fear of spiders. Irrational is in inverted commas because, to me, this fear seems completely rational. My motto is never trust anything with more than 2 eyes and 4 limbs. My sister told me recently that spiders’ reproductive organs are on their legs – I don’t know if this is true but eww! Lol, I guess not every species can boast that their willy is as long as their leg!
The other night, I went to feed the hamsters before bed. So in bare feet and nighty and having taken my lenses out (everything blurry) I went downstairs. In the corner of my eye, this big black spider comes streaking into the room in my direction (look away now if you are anti-Bug-cruelty).
Panda: “Eeeeeeeeee…!” *Backs away from it*
Great big mother of a hairy, thick-legged monster spider: “Muhahaha…” *Senses Panda’s fear and sprints towards her*
Panda: “Arghhhhh! Eee!” *Jumps onto chair like a proper girl and wonders why she doesn’t have her phone with her to call someone*
Spider: *Waits at the foot of chair for Panda to get down – she will have to eventually*
Panda: *Finds a huge heavy street atlas and attempts to drop it on Spider. Thinks she’s got the bugger but can’t really see – waits 5 minutes just in case (still on top of chair) – thinks the ordeal is over and goes to pick up atlas.* *SCREAMS like the apocalypse is nigh - wakes the whole house up*
Spider: “Ha! Missed!” *Stares evilly with all 8 eyes, looks down and realises it has a leg missing* “Shit..! My man-hood!”
Panda: *Aims atlas more carefully*
Spider: *runs under bookcase*
10 mins later..
Panda is still on top of chair, just in case Spider decides to ambush, as soon as she steps down..The other night, I went to feed the hamsters before bed. So in bare feet and nighty and having taken my lenses out (everything blurry) I went downstairs. In the corner of my eye, this big black spider comes streaking into the room in my direction (look away now if you are anti-Bug-cruelty).
Panda: “Eeeeeeeeee…!” *Backs away from it*
Great big mother of a hairy, thick-legged monster spider: “Muhahaha…” *Senses Panda’s fear and sprints towards her*
Panda: “Arghhhhh! Eee!” *Jumps onto chair like a proper girl and wonders why she doesn’t have her phone with her to call someone*
Spider: *Waits at the foot of chair for Panda to get down – she will have to eventually*
Panda: *Finds a huge heavy street atlas and attempts to drop it on Spider. Thinks she’s got the bugger but can’t really see – waits 5 minutes just in case (still on top of chair) – thinks the ordeal is over and goes to pick up atlas.* *SCREAMS like the apocalypse is nigh - wakes the whole house up*
Spider: “Ha! Missed!” *Stares evilly with all 8 eyes, looks down and realises it has a leg missing* “Shit..! My man-hood!”
Panda: *Aims atlas more carefully*
Spider: *runs under bookcase*
10 mins later..
I’m not kidding, this thing was huuuuuuGe! And it’s still in the house somewhere… *whimpers* Since then, I have had to switch all the lights on and don proper footwear before going to the loo in the middle of the night. I’ve seen quite a few big fat spiders since and I think that’s because the great big spider is sending out armies of them to wreak its revenge. It is truly terrifying, I tell you…
In other news, I have a cold amongst other things and haven’t been feeling all that great lately. I had a sick-day yesterday and spent it reading the first half of The Da Vinci Code which, as it turns out, is a brilliant book. Haven’t been able to put it down yet. I will be sad when it’s finished! I have been told by several people that it’s ‘very cliché’ of me to read such a popular title. It’s quite funny how when something becomes popular it automatically loses status within the elitist ‘clever’ crowd.
Snobs.
LOL I love your dialogue though, that is one of my fave aspects of blogs. Reading funny dialogue.
Good thing you're not in Texas - they all bite, and they jump too. I never could understand how people walked barefoot over there. The grass is sharp and when you walk through it, big brown "spidders" run ahead of you.
(spidders comes from a post Diva once did about them)
Sorry you have a cold...you didn't catch it from me! Seems there's a lot of gunk going round at the moment...hope you can rest this weekend.
But am glad my email made you laugh!
xxx
On the subject of spidders it would take me ages to go through my fears so I’ll direct you to this link, it's a story about me and a teeny weeny spider: http://20six.co.uk/diva/art/144051 and afterwards you will hopefully feel a lot better if not more superior (and I wouldn’t blame you one jolly bit LOL ;o)
I'd be a corpse if I lived in Texas! Eeeeep! LOL
Hope you feel much better soon hon xxx
Poor guy, you choped off his willy
;o)
tee hee
Sorry about the cold, I am suffering with major allergies rite now, red eyes, running nose. I hate it.
Hope you feel better soon honey.
I did wrk in China and I attempt to read. but it is hard
Zhu Jia li is my full chinese name...I took my jiejies last name of Zhu cause we are the best of friends.
oh can I link u to my blog???
www.20six.co.uk/jiali
Deev - I'm getting to the end of The DVC now. It's fantastic and so hard to put down! Your story made me giggle - I think I would've done the same thing under the circumstances! :)
YM - You poor thing, hope you're taking antihistamines! I ignored my cold at first because I thought it was just bad hayfever, silly me! :) I'm feeling much better now though, thanks.
RB - I wasn't just talking about you, you know, tuh.. talk about flattering yourself :) I kinda know what you mean, but there must be a reason these books become popular. Now people who buy books because they have won the latest award, with no intention of reading them (just so they can boast about it) I don't understand.
Are you one of those people who also refuses to read Harry Potter? :)
Jia Li - Cool, how did you come to work in China? My chinese name is Chen Qiao Wei in Mandarin. I can speak Mandarin but at home we speak Hakka and most of my relatives speak Cantonese. I can read Chinese better than I can write it :)