By panda_eyed
For as long as I can remember, I have always had an ‘irrational’ fear of spiders. Irrational is in inverted commas because, to me, this fear seems completely rational. My motto is never trust anything with more than 2 eyes and 4 limbs. My sister told me recently that spiders’ reproductive organs are on their legs – I don’t know if this is true but eww! Lol, I guess not every species can boast that their willy is as long as their leg!

The other night, I went to feed the hamsters before bed. So in bare feet and nighty and having taken my lenses out (everything blurry) I went downstairs. In the corner of my eye, this big black spider comes streaking into the room in my direction (look away now if you are anti-Bug-cruelty).

Panda: “Eeeeeeeeee…!” *Backs away from it*
Great big mother of a hairy, thick-legged monster spider: “Muhahaha…” *Senses Panda’s fear and sprints towards her*
Panda: “Arghhhhh! Eee!” *Jumps onto chair like a proper girl and wonders why she doesn’t have her phone with her to call someone*
Spider: *Waits at the foot of chair for Panda to get down – she will have to eventually*
Panda: *Finds a huge heavy street atlas and attempts to drop it on Spider. Thinks she’s got the bugger but can’t really see – waits 5 minutes just in case (still on top of chair) – thinks the ordeal is over and goes to pick up atlas.* *SCREAMS like the apocalypse is nigh - wakes the whole house up*
Spider: “Ha! Missed!” *Stares evilly with all 8 eyes, looks down and realises it has a leg missing* “Shit..! My man-hood!”
Panda: *Aims atlas more carefully*
Spider: *runs under bookcase*
10 mins later..
Panda is still on top of chair, just in case Spider decides to ambush, as soon as she steps down..

I’m not kidding, this thing was huuuuuuGe! And it’s still in the house somewhere… *whimpers* Since then, I have had to switch all the lights on and don proper footwear before going to the loo in the middle of the night. I’ve seen quite a few big fat spiders since and I think that’s because the great big spider is sending out armies of them to wreak its revenge. It is truly terrifying, I tell you…

In other news, I have a cold amongst other things and haven’t been feeling all that great lately. I had a sick-day yesterday and spent it reading the first half of The Da Vinci Code which, as it turns out, is a brilliant book. Haven’t been able to put it down yet. I will be sad when it’s finished! I have been told by several people that it’s ‘very cliché’ of me to read such a popular title. It’s quite funny how when something becomes popular it automatically loses status within the elitist ‘clever’ crowd.


8 comments so far.

  1. Olivia 6:25 pm, June 06, 2006
    Woo! Ew! Spider-alert, spider-alert!

    LOL I love your dialogue though, that is one of my fave aspects of blogs. Reading funny dialogue.

    Good thing you're not in Texas - they all bite, and they jump too. I never could understand how people walked barefoot over there. The grass is sharp and when you walk through it, big brown "spidders" run ahead of you.

    (spidders comes from a post Diva once did about them)

    Sorry you have a didn't catch it from me! Seems there's a lot of gunk going round at the moment...hope you can rest this weekend.
    But am glad my email made you laugh!

  2. Diva 5:14 pm, June 07, 2006
    I say ‘knickers’ to the elitist crowd, I read the Da Vinci Code a while back and it’s tops! :o)

    On the subject of spidders it would take me ages to go through my fears so I’ll direct you to this link, it's a story about me and a teeny weeny spider: and afterwards you will hopefully feel a lot better if not more superior (and I wouldn’t blame you one jolly bit LOL ;o)

    I'd be a corpse if I lived in Texas! Eeeeep! LOL

    Hope you feel much better soon hon xxx
  3. Youngmummy 5:19 pm, June 07, 2006
    Eww, eww, eww. I hate spiders as well. That is pretty neat about their reproductive organs being on their legs though.
    Poor guy, you choped off his willy
    tee hee
    Sorry about the cold, I am suffering with major allergies rite now, red eyes, running nose. I hate it.
    Hope you feel better soon honey.
  4. Raj Bungle 5:31 pm, June 07, 2006
    Woah woah woah - don't think I don't read your blog, Miss Arachna-bitch! How dare you call me 'intellectual'.

    Yes, I'm elitist, but only because I can afford to be. You can't blame a brother for his chiselled features and thick fur, can you? I ain't no snob. I'm just trying to survive - one mediocre day at a time.

    Besides, the Da Vinci Code has become a 'pop-read' cliche - that's pretty much a fact, I wasn't really making a judgement call. I haven't read it, but it's supposed to be fun, quick, easy to digest and gives the reader the feeling of having learnt something.

    But how many bloody 'The Truth Behind the Da Vinci Code-esque' books/documentaries have to come out - sheesh!! It's already been made into a big-budget Hollywood flick, and was only published relatively recently.

    The Da Vinci Code isn't a work of art anymore (was it ever, me not know!), it's a product. That's my beef with it - it's like everywhere I turn.

    Makes a brother want to whip out his sawn-off and start stalking the offices like a madman...
  5. Jia Li 12:11 am, June 08, 2006
    Hi Panda...I wrote all the info u needed on my blog...

    I did wrk in China and I attempt to read. but it is hard

    Zhu Jia li is my full chinese name...I took my jiejies last name of Zhu cause we are the best of friends.

    oh can I link u to my blog???
  6. Jia Li 12:12 am, June 08, 2006
    oooh almost forgot
  7. panda_eyed 10:26 am, June 08, 2006
    Liv - I'm so glad I don't live in Texas either.. or Australia.. *shudders* I knew of someone who visited Aus and slept in a custom made sleeping bag - one that she could pull over her head and zip her whole body right in - just to make sure no spiders came near her during the night, lol. I think it's a mighty good idea :)

    Deev - I'm getting to the end of The DVC now. It's fantastic and so hard to put down! Your story made me giggle - I think I would've done the same thing under the circumstances! :)

    YM - You poor thing, hope you're taking antihistamines! I ignored my cold at first because I thought it was just bad hayfever, silly me! :) I'm feeling much better now though, thanks.

    RB - I wasn't just talking about you, you know, tuh.. talk about flattering yourself :) I kinda know what you mean, but there must be a reason these books become popular. Now people who buy books because they have won the latest award, with no intention of reading them (just so they can boast about it) I don't understand.
    Are you one of those people who also refuses to read Harry Potter? :)

    Jia Li - Cool, how did you come to work in China? My chinese name is Chen Qiao Wei in Mandarin. I can speak Mandarin but at home we speak Hakka and most of my relatives speak Cantonese. I can read Chinese better than I can write it :)
  8. Raj Bungle 11:54 am, June 08, 2006
    Yaaargh! Hairy bumhole Potter! My girlfriend likes it, but I don't. I read the first one and thought - 'Man I'm too old for this'. I used to read fantasy books so much when I was a kid, I'd have goblins and elves crawling out my nose. Now I can't stand the children fantasy genre, let alone Lord of the blooming Rings.

    Remember that show, Grumpy Old Men? Yeah, I auditioned. Too grumpy, apparently.

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