Saying goodbye

Category: , By panda_eyed
There are moments when I know that I will be okay and that I'll get through the heartbreak. But there are also moments when I don't think I can live my life without him. It's so hard to say goodbye and mean it too, but that's what we did on the weekend -- one year after we first got together. I don't think it has really started to sink in yet. At first, it was a bit of a relief knowing that the cycle of breaking up and making up (cos we couldn't bear to make it final) was over. Now, I'm just numb.

We're staying friends. The friendship and support we provide each other is something that neither of us can give up. I know, I know, this will be extremely hard to do without slipping back into old habits, but I've had to give up the love of my life, and I'm not about to lose my best friend too.

The hardest thing is knowing that our relationship failed not because of a lack of love between us, but due to external factors. If those could be removed, I know that we would have our happily ever after. But, as it's unlikely that they will ever go away, this is not going to happen. Ever. It would be so much easier to get over this if we both didn't love each other so much.

What happens to all that love when you break up? I know I need to move on, but, right now, I'm afraid of letting go of the memories we made. The dreams that we had together still haunt me. No more travelling the world, raising the perfect little family or growing old together, hand in hand, kissing with wrinkled, toothless mouths.

I have to find a new direction now, a new source of happiness. I must live truly for me, and that's scary. It's hard to think that there will ever be time when I'll be truly happy again, but I have to believe that it will come and that one day, it won't hurt quite this much.

5 comments so far.

  1. Anonymous 1:47 am, February 20, 2009
    Oh this is so sad sweetie, but time will definitely make it better. Lots of chocolate helps too according to Sim ;o) Seriously though, you have been so brave and so strong that something good is on it's way to you, I'm sure of it. We're all here for you sugar either on the net, on text, at the end of a phone or a short drive away. We love you loads honey xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  2. Olivia 5:45 am, February 21, 2009
    Oh sweetie I really don't know what to say! You write of your love so beautifully and poignantly I had a shiver up my spine at the end.

    But as Divs says, we are all here for you, and you will recover in time though it's crap to hear that - I wish I could pop over for a cup of tea or a cocktail, a huggle and a curl boing.

    Love you little girl.

  3. Miss Cellaneous 2:38 am, March 01, 2009
    I promise you this will become easier for you. I know it is so hard right now but please, trust me on this one. Best Wishes
  4. panda_eyed 10:07 pm, March 01, 2009
    Thank you all, fabulous ladies! Your kind words mean so much to me xxx
  5. Anonymous 3:19 pm, March 30, 2009
    I really feel for you. I fear the same will happen to me, some external force will dictate the end of my relationship and that'll be that. That's where my fear of losing The Mechanic stems from.

    I have no answers for you. I just hope time proves to be a healer for you.x

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