Tis May 1st and it has been ages since I last posted - I'm so sorry, esp. to those who worried because my last post was veering on the depressive. I didn't mean to scare anyone, and, looking back at it, it was a terrible, dark post, which I'm ashamed to have posted. I guess that the effect that's ME/CFS has on me at its lowest points.

Things have been looking much brighter since then and I'm happy to say that I haven't felt as low as that since, well, the last time I blogged. There is a boy on the scene, and he keeps my spirits up and makes me smile so much that I forget the bad bits and the pain. Laughter, and the giddy sensation of a new relationship, it seems, really is the best medicine.

There is much to tell, much to catch up on, but the reason I decided to blog today is because I read an inspiring little story. In recent months, I've forgotten the reason I like writing and blogging, but I chanced upon this article at work - in all places, in the Nature journal - and it was such an enchanting piece of writing that it made me want to write again. What I love about the story is that, although the Nature journal is very sciencey, very matter-of-fact, this story is uncharacteristic in that it is simply a very sweet, winsome little piece that takes a quantum physics theme and yet doesn't contain any science. The author writes that building your own time machine is merely putting together a set of memories which are unique to you. There's a lovable little aside at the end which states "Igor Teper [the author] teaches old atoms new tricks at temperatures near absolute zero. He also writes stories, occasionally". You can read it here.

Inspired by this story, I wanted to 'build' my own time machine. There are so many moments, many of them recent, that I have wanted to remember exactly, to somehow keep them locked up inside my mind and never forget. That's an impossible task, unless you're blessed (or cursed?) with a photographic memory, and, for me, writing things down is a way of doing that - words are immortal, after all.

I realise that if I sat here and wrote down my 'time machine' moments, I would be here forever. So I'm going to start small for now and come back and add to these moments. And seeing that it's my little sister's birthday in precisely 4 days time, what better moment to start with than the time around when she was born?

I was 6 years, 11 months and one week old, and I'd been begging my mum for a baby sister or brother for years. I didn't like being an only child and really wanted someone to play with and nurture. My mum's younger sister had come to stay and help out my mum around the house. I woke on this particular morning, 5th May 1990, to a silent and empty house - where were my parents? Feeling slightly anxious, I went and shook my auntie awake, who told me that my parents had gone to the hospital because my brother or sister was on the way. She said I'd have to be patient and I'd get to meet the baby later, then promptly went back to sleep. That morning felt like the longest EVER -- I remember not knowing how to pass the time, wondering why it took so long to get a baby out and why I couldn't be there with my mummy (little did I know). A few hours, but what, to me, seemed like an eternity, later, my dad came back and told me that I had a baby sister. I remember feeling relieved that it was a girl (boys are 'urgh' at that age :) and pleased that I'd have a sister to play with and show off.

I was already itching to get down and see my mummy and new baby sis, but I was made to eat some lunch (Daaad..!). I remember being nervous in the clinical setting of the hospital, with all it's strange smells and noises. Seeing my mum's familiar but tired face amongst all the strange ones was such a relief. I distinctly remember seeing my baby sis for the first time - curiosity and anticipation mixed with a little bit of apprehension. She had so much hair already - just like mine, thick and dark - and a little wrinkled face with dark skin and a tiny nose. I remember not wanting to touch her for fear of hurting her; she was so fragile. But looking at that delicate little thing in my mum's arms, so quiet and peaceful, I knew I'd protect her forever. Because that tiny little person was my little sis.

My baby sis turns 18 in a few days time. She's turned into a wonderful person and has achieved so much already. I'm so proud of her. I know it's still a little early, but happy 18th birthday, little one. Your big sis loves you lots..

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