From half-empty to half-full. Ish.

Category: By panda_eyed
I used to be a pessimist. I used to dwell on every bad thing that did, or could, happen and obsess about it continuously. I would get angry over every little thing, and I had a very short and very bad temper. God forbid if you crossed me! Only in the last couple of years have I begun to learn to let things go, to be more optimistic and say 'This, too, shall pass'. I do smile more now, I'm more upbeat, I have more patience, and I'm sure it's made me a nicer person; but, whilst these things come naturally to some people, I have had to force myself to be and do these things, to make that change, because I hated being that moody, irritable cow that I was before.

Over time, it's become so much easier to be 'sunny', and it does come more naturally now. I don't have to force myself to see the bright side, because I already can see it; don't have to remind myself to smile, because I'm already smiling; don't have to make myself be cheerful - well, you get the picture. I have become a whole other person without knowing it, and I like this girl, I finally like being me.

I couldn't have coped with being diagnosed with ME/CFS a few years ago, and even though I have my days when there seems to be a black cloud not only hanging over me, but also chucking down rain, thunder, lightning and hale, I have surprised myself by not being steam-rollered by this (In my head, it's a bit like the cartoon characters popping back into 3-d again after being flattened :). I'm not saying it's always easy. Little things may not get me down anymore, but every now and then I have a lapse, and then that ugly, angry person comes out again. Hormones play a big part in this*.

Last week, I purposely went a whole week without blogging. We had the bad news that I was dreading but, yet, knew was coming; it depressed me a whole bunch, and I didn't want to write yet another depressing entry. I tried to blog about other things, but I didn't really have it in me, and, still, don't. Sometimes, a girl does need a little help in being cheerful.

Can anyone help..?

*A tip - a high-calcium, low-fat diet does wonders for PMT-related mood-swings!

10 comments so far.

  1. NagNagNag 1:11 pm, May 14, 2007
    Hi Pandy-pants!
    You need to come over to Reading again soon! We're working on it...
    Oh and I DO have a brother - dunno if he'd be your type though! ;-)
  2. panda_eyed 1:19 pm, May 14, 2007
    Oh, the thought of coming to see all you fab people soon cheers me up lots!

    If your brother is as lovely as you are, that'd be fine ;) It's really great how you've taken such good care of Diva whilst she's been sick. I'm looking forward to seeing all of you soon! xx
  3. Anonymous 2:22 pm, May 14, 2007
    Aww Pandy Pop you're possibly one of the sunniest people I know and you never write a bad blog unless it's actually something really bad so really I don't think you need any help at all. You should teach others (read:me) to be more like you.

    Lots of love

    The Grumpalump that is Ames!

  4. pink jellybaby 4:01 pm, May 14, 2007
    Wow! sounds like you've done great hun!

    Just don't be bothered about writing blogs that you want or need to now and then, it's better to write about it and let it out than the fester on it! :) x
  5. nikkipolani 6:06 pm, May 14, 2007
    I'm sorry about your bad news. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time to adjust to the bad news and get better perspective. That's not to say that you pretend it's not so bad, but that you figure out how to deal with it. Hugs, Pandy, and give yourself some adjusting time.
  6. Flighty 6:09 pm, May 14, 2007
    If you've not already done so then have a look at Sez's entry on 27. I'm sure that will put a smile on your face. Hugs. xx
  7. Olivia 11:23 pm, May 14, 2007
    Hallo what's this about Nag's brother, Pandy?

    Anyway, I am so glad I have you (and Ames and Diva and nags) in my life. You all make the world a brighter place, and when it begins to cloud over, you help wipe the darkness away.

    To see you now, I almost wouldn't believe that you used to be a grump and I admire how you haven't lapsed into your original self. I didn't know people could change. Well done, Pandy-boo.

    Love loads
  8. Anonymous 10:56 am, May 15, 2007
    Olivia I think I can quite honestly say that I love you to
  9. panda_eyed 2:21 pm, May 15, 2007
    Hey Ameslove, am I really? :) I'm still grumpalumpy a lot, I think!
    And you're not such a grumpalump - you've always been sweet and sunny with me! I think you're an optimist at heart :) xxxxxxxx

    Pinky, sometimes it's better to let things out, yes. But sometimes writing things down makes it more real, and it's soul-draining thinking the whole thing through again. I'm just a bit tired, emotionally, I think. Thanks though xxx

    Nikki, thanks honey. It's not really my bad news, but it does affect everyone in my family. Thanks for your words of wisdom - tis very true. My sunny side will be back soon, no doubt. xxxxxxxx

    Hi Flighty, I did - thanks! It made me giggle, and I needed it :) Hug hug back xxxxxxxx

    Livsylou, it was something I jokily asked Diva in a text, because Nags was being so brilliant whilst she was sick :)
    Aww bunny, I'm so glad I have you lot in my life too - I don't know what I ever did without you guys! xxxxxxxx

    And I agree with Ames on that last bit :D
  10. Olivia 1:20 pm, May 21, 2007




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