'Trust me' - but can I really?
'Trust me'.
It's something that's easily said, but not so easy to do. At least, not if you're me. I can pinpoint the moment I became less trusting of the human race. I'm going to tell you a story. It's something that I still think about a lot, and although it wasn't the best time of my life, it's made me who I am today. I still can't figure out if I'm better or worse for it.
I used to have a group of close friends in high school - about 7 or 8 of us. We would do everything together, tell each other everything. Needless to say, some of us were closer than others, and quite occasionally, we would argue and fall out, rifts would form in the group, and at least for a while, there would be much bitching and cattiness. All very normal for teenage girls, sure. When our GCSEs finished, we all went to different colleges but managed to still stay incredibly close friends throughout.
I thought we'd all be friends for life, as you do at that time. But towards the end of our A levels, two of the stronger characters in the group had a huge falling out - over something incredibly stupid, no doubt, because I don't remember what over. Nevertheless, we split into two groups, and didn't speak for several months. I remember that my 18th birthday fell in the middle of that time, and I was still on good terms with everyone. So in an attempt to reconcile the group, I invited them all to a birthday dinner party. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was upset and annoyed that the 'other' group didn't turn up.
But fair enough, I let it go, for the sake of friendship. We would soon all be going to different universities, and I didn't want to fall out over something so silly again. Eventually, our little group healed itself - the two friends that had fallen out in the first place made up, and whilst we weren't as close a group as we'd been, that was okay, because by now, uni had now started. Everyone was getting on with their own lives, making new friends, finding new interests. Old friends drift apart sometimes, that's to be expected.
The first year of uni should be an exciting new time, and it was for the first few months. I'd left home for the first time, was making new friends, new experiences and feeling grown up. But I was in a long-distance relationship at the time, and I could feel it coming to an end. We'd been together for years at that point, but then came a confession - he had cheated on me, not for the first time, and we broke up. I was devastated. Then something even more awful happened. I still can't say it or even type it - lets just say I was 'abused'. I only told one person about it. A good friend at the time, or so I thought. This person - lets call him Bob. I wanted some support, I got none, just a shrug of the shoulder, a joke made.
So imagine how happy I was when, one afternoon, out of the blue, all of my old group of friends turn up at my halls of residence. I was surprised, because I hadn't spoken to them in ages, and I had no idea they'd planned to come see me, but I was delighted all the same. I thought it'd be a nice distraction from everything else that had happened, and catch up with my old best friends.
With hindsight, I should have known that something was up - who just turns up unannounced in the middle of the day? I could have been at lectures or out doing something else. Anyway, I didn't know any different, and we spent half an hour catching up. Then I noticed that everyone else in the room had a shifty look, catching each other's eye, some looking very guilty indeed. You know what they had come to do? The two girls who had previously fallen out had decided that it was my fault, that I had been stirring things up between them and had told each of them lies about the other to ruin their friendship, despite it being quite the opposite. There were many other stupid accusations, all of which involved a cunning deception on my part. They made me sound like the villain in a bad novel. Then they let slip that Bob had told them about what had happened to me (even though I explicitly told him I didn't want anyone else to know), and instead of being there for me, they accused me of making the whole thing up just to gain sympathy. That was possibly the one thing in that whole sorry year that hurt me the most.
Many times since then, I have wondered why those two girls, people that I liked, respected and trusted, felt the sudden need to blame me for all the things I never did, why they needed to turn all our other friends against me too, and why they needed to rally everyone together to confront me that day. I guess it was just bully tactics, intimidation. We may have only been 18 at the time, and it could be put down to simple immaturity, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive what they did that day, especially the malicious way in which they did it, to try to cause me as much pain as possible. What could I possibly have done to deserve that?
Needless to say, I haven't spoken to any of those girls since. One of them sheepishly MSN-ed me a while ago, apologetic in tone, pretending it never happened. While she wasn't the instigator of it all, I still can't forgive the way in which she followed, like a flea on a dog.
That period is a time I try not to think about too often. It still hurts even after years. Whilst I could deal with breaking up with my first love and getting over the humiliation of being abused, I still haven't gotten over the betrayal of my best friends. I guess I'm still bitter. I only keep a couple of close friends now, and I'm very cautious with trust. I wish I wasn't, but once burned, twice shy, as they say. But I do know who my real friends are now.
It's something that's easily said, but not so easy to do. At least, not if you're me. I can pinpoint the moment I became less trusting of the human race. I'm going to tell you a story. It's something that I still think about a lot, and although it wasn't the best time of my life, it's made me who I am today. I still can't figure out if I'm better or worse for it.
I used to have a group of close friends in high school - about 7 or 8 of us. We would do everything together, tell each other everything. Needless to say, some of us were closer than others, and quite occasionally, we would argue and fall out, rifts would form in the group, and at least for a while, there would be much bitching and cattiness. All very normal for teenage girls, sure. When our GCSEs finished, we all went to different colleges but managed to still stay incredibly close friends throughout.
I thought we'd all be friends for life, as you do at that time. But towards the end of our A levels, two of the stronger characters in the group had a huge falling out - over something incredibly stupid, no doubt, because I don't remember what over. Nevertheless, we split into two groups, and didn't speak for several months. I remember that my 18th birthday fell in the middle of that time, and I was still on good terms with everyone. So in an attempt to reconcile the group, I invited them all to a birthday dinner party. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was upset and annoyed that the 'other' group didn't turn up.
But fair enough, I let it go, for the sake of friendship. We would soon all be going to different universities, and I didn't want to fall out over something so silly again. Eventually, our little group healed itself - the two friends that had fallen out in the first place made up, and whilst we weren't as close a group as we'd been, that was okay, because by now, uni had now started. Everyone was getting on with their own lives, making new friends, finding new interests. Old friends drift apart sometimes, that's to be expected.
The first year of uni should be an exciting new time, and it was for the first few months. I'd left home for the first time, was making new friends, new experiences and feeling grown up. But I was in a long-distance relationship at the time, and I could feel it coming to an end. We'd been together for years at that point, but then came a confession - he had cheated on me, not for the first time, and we broke up. I was devastated. Then something even more awful happened. I still can't say it or even type it - lets just say I was 'abused'. I only told one person about it. A good friend at the time, or so I thought. This person - lets call him Bob. I wanted some support, I got none, just a shrug of the shoulder, a joke made.
So imagine how happy I was when, one afternoon, out of the blue, all of my old group of friends turn up at my halls of residence. I was surprised, because I hadn't spoken to them in ages, and I had no idea they'd planned to come see me, but I was delighted all the same. I thought it'd be a nice distraction from everything else that had happened, and catch up with my old best friends.
With hindsight, I should have known that something was up - who just turns up unannounced in the middle of the day? I could have been at lectures or out doing something else. Anyway, I didn't know any different, and we spent half an hour catching up. Then I noticed that everyone else in the room had a shifty look, catching each other's eye, some looking very guilty indeed. You know what they had come to do? The two girls who had previously fallen out had decided that it was my fault, that I had been stirring things up between them and had told each of them lies about the other to ruin their friendship, despite it being quite the opposite. There were many other stupid accusations, all of which involved a cunning deception on my part. They made me sound like the villain in a bad novel. Then they let slip that Bob had told them about what had happened to me (even though I explicitly told him I didn't want anyone else to know), and instead of being there for me, they accused me of making the whole thing up just to gain sympathy. That was possibly the one thing in that whole sorry year that hurt me the most.
Many times since then, I have wondered why those two girls, people that I liked, respected and trusted, felt the sudden need to blame me for all the things I never did, why they needed to turn all our other friends against me too, and why they needed to rally everyone together to confront me that day. I guess it was just bully tactics, intimidation. We may have only been 18 at the time, and it could be put down to simple immaturity, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive what they did that day, especially the malicious way in which they did it, to try to cause me as much pain as possible. What could I possibly have done to deserve that?
Needless to say, I haven't spoken to any of those girls since. One of them sheepishly MSN-ed me a while ago, apologetic in tone, pretending it never happened. While she wasn't the instigator of it all, I still can't forgive the way in which she followed, like a flea on a dog.
That period is a time I try not to think about too often. It still hurts even after years. Whilst I could deal with breaking up with my first love and getting over the humiliation of being abused, I still haven't gotten over the betrayal of my best friends. I guess I'm still bitter. I only keep a couple of close friends now, and I'm very cautious with trust. I wish I wasn't, but once burned, twice shy, as they say. But I do know who my real friends are now.
Always here for you honey.xxx
tuddles sweetie, remember I will be there for u!
Jia at school
It hurts for a wee bit, but after a bit you know who ur real friends are
jia
In a way, I'm kinda glad I'm not still friends with them, because we could be so mean and bitchy when we were together. I feel completely different now, and glad of it.
Hey JL, thanks babe, especially for the tuddles! I don't know why I suddenly started thinking about this stuff again, but the wounds have never really healed. Or maybe that's just me harbouring eternal grudges, I don't know!
Most of us probably only have a handful or so who we've known a long time and trust unreservedly.
It's not the words that count it's the deeds. That's when you find out who your real friends are. We all learn the hard way, often being surprised and getting hurt on the way.
Take heart Pandy!
Thanks for your Snoopy ecard. I love it! He and all the Peanuts characters are among my very favourite cartoons.
Have a good weekend.
Flighty, it's very true, what you said about friendship. I guess you can't go through life without being hurt. Thanks for your kind words Flighty. And I'm glad you liked the card - it had your name written all over it!
Hi Nikki, so you believe in karma too. I just hope that they one day look back and feel ashamed and regretful. That might be enough for me.
JL, lol, you're so right :)
You're too special for that.
Sadly those girls are probally still like that today.... some people change but usually people who are that mean stay that mean. And they can have each other... they deserve each other.
Your better than them honey, so although painful at the time it was good thing because it opened your eye's to who they really are.
Here if you need me....
((( HUGSHUGSHUGS)))
xx
Well, I cannot understand this pack mentality of meanness. You can believe that those girls are not living as happy a life as you are. And also, they don't have REAL friends. They are just a group of girls facing each other so they don't stab each other in the back.
Or something like that.
Scary.
Just as Diva and Ames says, we are here for you. Loyalty is our middle names. You are too soft-hearted to be hurt, as we are too, so we are here for you!
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Buttons, I know, I guess that's why I've had more boy best-friends than girls, they're much less complicated sometimes. I try and avoid overly bitchy people now!
Livster, that's a great way to put it: 'a group of girls facing each other so they don't stab each other in the back'. I guess that's how it was really, and I'm so glad I'm not there anymore and don't have to watch my back.
Thanks for being so lovely, Livvy!
Aww Thanks Katja, hugs are always appreciated! *Hugs back*
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